


The Frozen Dawn

by LilyAnson



Series: WLIIA 1 (Love in the Time of the Frozen Sparrow Revolution) [2]
Category: Whose Line Is It Anyway? RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Revelations, Secrets, To Be Continued At A Vastly Later Date, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2019-10-13 03:43:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17480510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyAnson/pseuds/LilyAnson
Summary: The group find out a closely guarded secret about one of their friends.  Crap happens.  Greg is resigned.  Colin is out of sorts and needs time to process things.  Chip and Jeff argue.  Ryan retreats into his own little world.  Life continues despite what any of them wish.**the rape it contains, so far, is background and will not be described in detail.**





	1. Chapter 1

“Excuse me, you were fucking what‽” Jeff shouted.

Unable to help himself, Ryan flinched away from his friend.

“Jeff _stop_ it!” Chip yelled back. “You’re fucking scaring him.”

“Both of you need to fucking stop,” a voice stated at a more normal tone. 

It took Ryan vastly too long to process who the voice could possibly belong to. By the time he realized it was Greg the others were already descending on him. As much as he wanted to Ryan couldn’t force himself to intervene. Luckily he didn’t have to as Greg beat him to the punch.

“No,” Jeff insisted. “He doesn’t get to just drop something like that on us and then-”

“So you’re saying you don’t believe him?” Chip shot back.

“I’m saying no such thing!” Jeff insisted. “I’m just saying-”

“I said stop,” Greg ordered. “That literally means the both of you.” 

He glanced towards the both of them and Ryan ducked his head and curled up on himself even more. He honestly couldn’t take much more of this. Whatever attention he wanted he got by being on television. He really didn’t want those closest to him to focus on _him_ that much. _This_ , he thought, _this_ is why I didn’t tell anyone. Jeff hates me and Chip pities me. What’s next, Colin trying to ‘mother hen’ me?

“Ryan?” Greg asked.

Ryan wasn’t fooled by the tone. It wasn’t a question. It was a command. Greg would accept nothing but a positive response. “Yes?” Ryan asked miserably.

“That shirt is positively awful. We need to change it before we film. Come with me and we’ll go back to wardrobe. Okay?”

“But,” Ryan began. He had no idea how to finish the thought. He knew Chip and Jeff would definitely want to know more. Hell, Colin would for that matter. Fuck, he was so screwed. An arm wrapped loosely around his shoulders. 

“It doesn’t really matter,” Greg assured him. “They’ll be fine without you for a few minutes. I promise.”

“But what if-” Ryan began. He never got to finish.

“Chip,” Greg called before waiting for an answer. 

“Yeah?” Chip replied reluctantly.

“You have Jeff?”

“You have Ry?” Chip shot back.

“If you have your boyfriend, kitten,” Greg replied with an over exaggerated wink.

Ryan couldn’t help but snicker. Okay, so maybe he liked Greg’s snark. Sue him. Who didn’t like Greg’s sense of humor?

“So you got Ryan?” Chip asked, oddly sounding concerned.

“Oh you know it,” Greg answered with another lewd wink.

Once more a slight snicker forced its way through Ryan’s apprehension. If nothing else, he knew Greg would always be honest. If Greg hated him for the revelation then he would have said so already. Their Greg was nothing if not blunt. So maybe he still had at least one friend, Ryan mused. He would like to think he still had Col as well but Colin had been amazingly silent during the revelation. No matter what Colin had said when he’d revealed the past there was always a persistent fear nagging at him that his best friend would hate him for his weakness. Still he allowed himself to be led from the green room back to wardrobe with Greg’s arms encircling his shoulders. 

-

“What the hell?” Chip yelled.

Colin knew better than to engage in an argument between those two. Quietly he backed away and lowered himself to the couch. Chip would rant and rave. Jeff would argue any and every point he could think of. By the end of it all both would part ways angry and more pissed off than they could remember. After a few hours they’d apologize and make up. That was just Chip and Jeff. It was what it was from the very beginning of things. 

Colin’s frown deepened. There were times he felt like he was the one person that realize how wonderful those two would be together. Ry always dispelled those thoughts though when he reminded Colin that it was him that had pointed out their own connection. Ryan had ever been the one to see the best couples. Colin let his mind drift to how things might have been different if those two had met before Chip had been married. Ryan…

.

“No!” Jeff shouted. “He doesn’t get to get off that easy!”

“Easy‽” Chip shot back. “You think being assaulted was easy for him?”

To Chip’s astonishment Jeff actually looked ashamed. Godsthefuckdamit did he have to drink that much tonight? In his defense he hadn’t actually expected the call he’d gotten. When Colin had called him Chip hadn’t questioned a damn thing. After his friend had gotten through the minute details of the problem Chip had almost smacked his head into the bar. How the fuck had he missed all the signs? Yeah, sure he’d noted the change in his friend. Sadly that’s all he noted. He had never bothered to question the why’s. Fuck he was stupid. Running a hand down his face Chip sighed heavily. Okay, Ryan later, Jeff now, he told himself.

“Look,” Chip said, making a valiant effort to keep his voice calm. “I just want to make sure you’re all okay, understand? I…” Chip trailed off. How the _fuck_ did he tell his best friend that he loved him even if he was married?

-

Jeff was almost on the edge of his seat. Okay, so he was standing. Fucking pardon the metaphor. He all but held his breath as he waited for whatever Chip would say next. A tiny, niggling, thought of ‘what would Chip tell his wife’ floated through his brain. That was all it took before Jeff was conscientious of things once more. Chip was married. There was absolutely no chance of them ever being together. Ryan and Colin though… His thoughts trailed off as he vividly remembered the story Ryan had shared.

_Fuck!_ How the hell could he ever be thinking sex after that? What in the ever living fuck was wrong with him? Right. He was fucked up, Colin was… sentimental, Chip was… _FUCKING PERFECT…_ Wait, where the fuck was he? Oh. Yeah. Ryan and rape. Yeah, still didn’t make sense. Himself? Yes. Ryan? Yeah, no. 

“Chip?” Jeff called hoarsely.

“I’m here,” Chip answered immediately.

Instantly Chip’s arms were around him and Jeff instantly felt safe. Nobody could hurt him as long as he had his Chip. He would always be safe.

-

“Ryan?” Greg asked carefully. He was careful to keep too much of the caution out of his voice least Ryan become suspicious. His friend may need help but that didn’t mean he was ready to accept it just yet.

“I’m not broken!” Ryan hissed.

Greg blinked stupidly. “Who the fuck said you were?” he asked dumbfounded.

“You’re trying to fix me!” Ryan shouted. “You want to make me… Better. More functional! Something!”

“I just want to make sure you’re you and if you thought about it twice you’d know that,” Greg retorted. 

Ryan opened his mouth and Greg waited for the next insult. He had no disillusions that his friend would be upset enough to strike out at him for a while. He was ready for it. What he wasn’t ready for was Ryan to break down in tears. In retrospect he should have completely expected such a response. His only defense was Colin was Ry’s bestie. Greg was not usually the person that had to take care of Ryan. 

His Brad, yes. A few times Jeff, yep. On the very rare occasion a distraught Chip, you betcha. A very upset Ryan was so many kinds of wrong Greg had no fucking clue what to do to help fix anything. Still, he wouldn’t let Ryan suffer alone ever. He may be dating and, oh yes definitely, fucking Brad but Ryan would always have a special place in his heart. If he could do anything to fix whatever pain Ryan was feeling he would do it in an instant.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still have no idea when three is going to be written. Please don't expect this to be updated all that fast. Sorry. All questions and comments always welcome.

Of fucking course Wayne would enter at exactly that moment. Greg almost could have cursed himself for forgetting that there was another “actual” filming person. In his defense he’d been to wrapped up in taking care of Ryan to notice much of anything else. Wayne paused just inside the doorway taking in everything. Greg tensed, waiting to see how Wayne would react to the scene before him. If he decided to start asking questions… 

Luckily Wayne gave a Greg a curt, even if slightly confused, nod and quietly made his way past without a single comment. Whatever questions he might have he would wait, and for that Greg was more than grateful. He already had his hands full with Ryan. He didn’t need anything else to deal with right now. He just hoped they could all hold it together long enough to get through the taping, especially Ryan. They already had more than enough to deal with afterwards without adding to their current issues.

-

Sitting in the green room with his arms around a very upset Jeff Chip desperately tried to clear his head. Damn, he was too drunk for this. Their alcohol consumption was also probably adding to Jeff’s anxiety. Most days Jeff was usually alright but occasionally his anxiety would spike and Chip would have to help calm him. During those times Chip couldn’t help the anger he felt towards the person who had hurt Jeff. In those times, like now, that anger would do him no good. He needed to focus. 

He glanced over to where Colin sat nearby. Colin gave him a sad smile. He was one of the few others that also knew what happened. Still there might be other people nearby. He was going to have to be careful with his words until they were somewhere more private. Chip nodded his head gently towards the door and Colin stood. Moving to the doorway Colin casually leaned against the door frame. With a glance down the hallway he turned back and nodded.

Chip turned his attention back to Jeff. “It’s just me,” he murmured reassuringly. “I won’t let anything ever happen to you, remember?”

-

He could hear Chip’s voice but couldn’t quite understand the words. The words didn’t really matter though. What mattered was he _knew_ the voice belonged to Chip. _Knew_ that the hands running gently over his arms belonged to Chip. _Knew_ without a doubt that he would always be safe with Chip nearby. That knowledge more than anything is what helped him relax. His anxiety was still spiking but not nearly as bad. After a while he was finally able to breathe almost normally. Finally the words began making sense.

“You’re safe,” Chip was saying. “Okay? Can you say something please?”

“Yeah,” Jeff whispered quietly. “Yeah, I’m here.”

“You back with us?”

Jeff tensed. Us? Glancing up he scanned the room to see who else was present. He almost sighed in relief when he spotted Colin near the door. Colin was safe. Colin already knew what happened and didn’t judge him for it. Suddenly there was the sound of footsteps approaching rapidly and Jeff tensed even more. Before the other could get to close, however, Colin slipped out of the room closing the door behind himself. Finally the reason why Colin would be standing near the door made sense. Colin was standing watch. Immediately Jeff felt stupid for making his friends have to deal with his drama.

“Nothing that happened was your fault,” Chip told him quietly.

Shaking his head Jeff curled up again and ducked his head down to snuggle up against Chip’s chest once more. They’d disagreed on that point many times and neither were likely to change their position anytime soon. That wasn’t what was currently upsetting him though.

“It’s not that,” Jeff muttered.

“What's wrong then?” Chip asked.

“I shouldn’t still feel this way,” Jeff grumbled though he already knew how Chip would answer. It was an old argument and while he truly did feel that way it was the familiarity that he wanted. The familiarity of the argument would help him calm his fraying nerves. 

“It’ll take however long it takes,” Chip replied gently. “You don’t heal from something like that overnight.”

“It’s been years,” Jeff reminded him.

“And you’ve been getting better and better.”

“Yeah, since I met you,” Jeff argued.

“Does it matter what helps you get better as long as it helps?” Chip countered.

Unable to keep up his side of the argument Jeff merely shrugged. Luckily Chip understood and didn’t press. Instead he merely stopped rubbing Jeff’s arms, wrapped them around him, and just held him. Not for the first time and probably not for the last time Jeff wished they could find some way to be together. He started when the door opened and eyed it nervously until he realized it was only Colin returning.

“I stalled for as long as I could but I really do have to go though. You two going to be okay?” he inquired.

“Jeff?” Chip asked.

Nodding Jeff slowly pushed himself upright. He knew what they were asking. With Colin gone filming anyone could walk into the room without warning. He really needed to move so that he was no longer sitting on Chip’s lap. While there was nothing going on he very much doubted anyone seeing them sitting like this would believe that. Jeff personally didn’t care what anyone else thought but there was Chip to think of and Chip was married. Still moving slowly he shifted sideways until he was seated next to Chip.

“Yeah, we’re good,” he answered softly.

-

As worried as he was about Jeff, and he honestly _was_ worried about Jeff, Colin couldn’t stop his thoughts from focusing on Ryan. He could understand how Jeff felt. Well, at least partially. Nothing like that had ever happened to him personally. He would have thought, though, that Ryan would have said something after Jeff’s confession. Even if Ryan hadn’t wanted the others to know Colin had thought there were no secrets between them. Apparently Ryan hadn’t felt he could trust him enough with something that personal.

Colin stopped mid step and dropped his head. That wasn’t fair. Ryan had always been an extremely private person. He almost never shared anything with anyone. The only person that Ryan ever shared anything personal with was him. It had to have taken a lot for him to admit what happened to not only him but Greg as well. 

Colin began to feel guilty for calling Chip. In his defense he’d never had to personally take care of someone who’d suffer through something like that. When Ryan had broken down after telling them Colin had panicked. After Jeff had opened up Chip had made it his personal job to take care of Jeff. All Colin could think of was that Chip would know how to help. He hadn’t even stopped to think that Jeff might be there as well or how he might react to hearing such news. Shoving those thoughts to the back of his mind he started forward once more. 

He felt a tiny amount of relief when he spied Ryan standing with the others in the area they all gathered before taking the stage. The fact that Ryan appeared slightly subdued only troubled him a bit. Ryan was usually quiet in the moments just before they took the stage so that wasn’t really that far out of character. Colin snuck a covert glance over to where Greg was standing and managed to catch his attention. He silently shifted his gaze over to Ryan and back again. Greg’s eyes softened and he gave a slight shrug. Colin held back a sigh. They was no way to talk to Ryan before going on so for now he just had to hope for the best.


	3. Chapter 3

The actual taping had gone fairly well all things considered. The occasional breaks they took were a bit rough but he muddled through. He knew the others were giving him odd look throughout the taping but he ignored it. Greg could always be trusted to be discrete. Colin was to much of a professional to do or say anything that might jeopardize the taping. By now Wayne had to know something was up but thankfully seemed content to wait. Even Drew seemed to be aware that something was off at this point.

When they actually got to tape things were better. Everyone focussed on putting on a good show and forget about everything else. Of course Ryan was a bit off his game tonight but the others covered well enough that it didn’t show. At least, he didn’t think it showed. Only time would tell. He was getting a few odd looks from Dan now and then but Ryan chalked it up to the fact that he wasn’t teasing the other nearly as much. Maybe he should but couldn’t. It would take too much effort and he needed to stay as focussed on the show as possible. 

Now that they were done he steeled himself for the inevitable conversion that was sure to follow. Before that could happen Greg wrapped an arm around Ryan’s shoulders and steered him past everyone. Ryan started to object when Chip walked past in the opposite direction without even a glance towards them. Confused Ryan tried to stop and turn around.

“Patience kitten,” Greg murmured. “Chip’s a big boy, he can handle himself.”

“Alright, what’s going on?” Ryan demanded.

“Not a clue but I’m sure we can find out later. For now I think we should slip into something a little more comfortable, don’t you?”

“Excuse me?” Ryan asked stopping dead in his tracks. “What?” he growled. Greg swore and let his arm slide from Ryan’s shoulders. He at least had the audacity to look somewhat ashamed before answering.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he responded quietly. 

“Then why did you say it,” Ryan pressed. “Why would you…” God fuck damn it he couldn’t continue. What the fuck was wrong with him.

“I wasn’t thinking,” Greg answered instantly. “Simple as that. Follow me so we don’t have to deal with anyone else probing too much?” Greg inquired.

“Yes,” Ryan answered instantly. The very last thing he needed was to be questioned by anyone about what was wrong. If for that and no other reason he agreed. Before long Greg replaced his arm around Ryan’s shoulders and the pair continued.

-

“What the bloody hell do you mean I can’t talk with him?” Dan demanded.

“Look, no one is saying you can’t, I’m just saying I’d prefer it if we could talk a little before you and Ry tangle,” Chip lied smoothly.

Colin could have kissed him if he hadn’t already been in love with someone else. Ry was his best friend and… his thoughts stopped there. That already made him bais, didn’t it? He shook his head in an attempt to clear it. It, understandably, didn’t work. Fuck! Taking a deep breath he attempted to clear his mind. It worked to a small degree and that would have to be good enough he decided. With that he went off in search of Ryan.

-

“So how are you really?” Greg asked.

Ryan scowled. Of all the people he expected to ‘mother hen’ him none of them would have been Greg. “I’m not any different,” Ryan growled. “I’m still me.”

Greg rolled his eyes. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“I’m-” Ryan began. Suddenly the door opened and he froze. Without knowing who was here he was hesitant to continue. He relaxed slightly when he realized it was only Colin. He still wasn’t sure how Colin felt about the revelation and that made him a touch nervous. Standing in the doorway Colin stopped dead when he finally spied Ryan.

“We should probably leave soon,” Colin stated.

Ryan frowned trying to decipher what Colin was up to when Greg replied.

“What’s up?” Greg asked.

“Pretty soon Dan’s going to show up and demand to know what’s up. Chip’s stalling him for now but I don’t know how long that’ll last. I just figured we might want to take off soon so we don’t have to deal with that right now.”

Ryan winced. The absolute last thing he wanted was for anyone else to know about what happened to him. Colin was right, they should leave. At the very least it would give him some time to come up with a plausible excuse to tell Dan for his inability to focus today. 

“Yeah,” Ryan agreed. “Let’s get out of here.”

“What about Chip?” Jeff asked anxiously.

“He can meet up with us later,” Colin assured him. 

As they all stood and filed out of the room Ryan eyed Jeff carefully. He could understand why Jeff would be nervous. While they all made an effort to be there for Jeff, and knew they were appreciated, none of them were Chip. The two had formed a unique bond. While Ryan was happy for them he wished they could be together. Neither was the type to cheat on a significant other or condone cheating. It was a bit sad there could never be anything more between them. Keeping his head down Ryan followed the others out the door as they exited the studio. 

He had no idea where they were headed but ultimately he didn’t care. He really wasn’t looking forward to rehashing his past at all. If he had to answer a few questions about any of it he’d rather it was just the few of them already present. He’d worry about what to tell Dan later. For now was going to do his best to clear his mind and hope against hope this trip didn’t result in any uncomfortable questions. He knew better than to think everyone else would just drop it but he couldn’t stop himself from at least hoping.

-

Between the five of them they ended up splitting up between two cars. As Greg lived in the city he always drove to the studio. He Jeff and Greg all piled into Greg’s car while Colin and Ryan followed behind them in what was probably a rental. Wayne resisted the urge to ask questions the instant the car doors closed. He wasn’t sure what was going on but he knew pressing the issue would probably backfire. No one in their group reacted well to being pressed to discuss something before they were ready. He was just going to have to wait.

At least no one had a problem with him tagging along. He had to believe that, at least, was a positive sign. From what he could glean throughout the taping whatever was happening was centered around Ryan. Out of all of them Ryan was probably the most private. Until someone said something Wayne wasn’t going to do anything to draw excess attention to himself. It was almost impossible to get anything personal out of him. So far no one seemed to have an issue with him tagging along and he wasn’t about to chance his luck. He was a bit curious when they pulled into the parking lot of a bar they occasionally visited but he decided to roll with it. 

-

Glancing sideways Greg carefully eyed Wayne. He wasn’t sure how to feel about the other man’s presence. Wayne would understandably have questions so maybe it was better Wayne was present for this. It would allow them to deal with everything in one fell swoop instead of dragging it out and keep them -- or rather Ryan -- from needing to repeat things. On the other hand it might make Ryan uncomfortable which might halt any discussion about the issue. Figuring out the best way to put people at ease wasn’t something he worried about normally. 

Fuck, he wished Brad was here. Brad was much better at that kind of thing. Sighing he took another sip of his scotch; content for someone else to start talking first. Pulling his phone out from his pants pocket he checked the time. Brad would be arriving in the city soon. Greg quickly shot Brad a message telling him where they were and who all was present. After a quick internal debate he also briefed Brad about what had happened to Ryan. Maybe he should have waited but he wanted to give Brad time to process the news before he arrived. Slipping his phone back into his pants pocket he chewed his lip unconsciously turning his glass in his hands silently. It didn’t seem as if anyone else was inclined to break the quiet either. 

.

Brad entered the small, out of the way, bar and scanned the area for his friends. He spied them all sitting together in a corner. The group had appropriated three tables in order to accommodate them all. Ryan was near the center but the space around him almost made it seem as if he were here alone. Of course, Brad thought to himself. If he’d been through anything close to the same he might respond the same as well. Ryan’s eyes seemed as if they were lost, unseeing. Those closest -- Colin of course and Greg, it would be Greg Brad thought derisively -- were eying Ryan worriedly. No matter what his baby said Greg was always the best when dealing with anyone damaged. Greg, of course, would never agree. Brad scoffed at that. 

“It’s me, what are your other two wishes?” Brad announced as he neared the group. 

“Someone funny?” Ryan shot back at him.

Brad didn’t bother to resist the smile that remark caused. It couldn’t hurt anything and it could only help. “I can’t help you there but at least I’m gorgeous,” Brad returned.

Ryan’s grin broadened. “Yeah, you think so at least. But hey, who am I to question a good self esteem?”

“Exactly! Wanna tell Greg that?” he replied with the most lecherous wink he could manage.

Ryan let out a laugh. Not a generic, for the cameras, laugh but almost a real one. As ‘almost’ as it was he could work with that. “So what are we drinking to?” Brad asked.

“Nothing, as you don’t even have a drink,” Colin answered succinctly.

Brad gave the remark a few moments of consideration before snagging Colin’s drink and downing it. “I repeat,” he stated loudly. “What are we drinking to?” 

The smile Ryan gave was worth the horrible taste of -- whiskey? Scotch? -- whatever Colin was drinking. Brad fought to smile and set the glass down as gently as possible. “Anyways a little birdy told me you might need someone to laugh at.” Brad shrugged. “Or maybe someone to beat sense into you. Either way, I’m here.” 

.

Ryan shook his head. He had no idea why Brad might care about him or his problems but he was touched. “I’m good,” he lied.

Brad shook his head. “You’re lying but I’ll accept it. So, what do we do next? Prank Dan?”

Ryan couldn’t help but snicker. Pranking Dan was almost always top on his list. Composing himself Ryan focused. 

“Or I could taunt Greg,” Brad offered with a shrug. “That’s almost always good for a laugh.”

“And fuck you very much,” Greg shot back.

Brad grinned. Ryan wasn’t sure which one was in charge of what but it also didn’t matter that much to him. “Guys,” he whispered. He honestly meant for his voice to be louder but he couldn’t force it. A hand settled on his wrist and Ryan glanced down. Oddly, at least to him, the hand belonged to Brad. Lifting his head he tried but failed to come up with words.


	4. Chapter 4

Wayne watched the odd conversation without a word. Though their conversations could often be considered a bit odd this was something altogether different. Slowly things were finally beginning to click into place. Whatever happened had involved Ryan that much at least seemed obvious. Wayne wondered if everyone else here knew the full story. While he couldn’t be sure he didn’t think so. It was more than probable that Colin knew Wayne deduced. 

It was difficult to determine how much Greg did or didn’t know. Out of all of them Greg was probably the hardest for him to read accurately. Still, the change in Greg’s attitude was enough for him to believe Greg knew as well. Their body language and the fact that they all but refused to leave Ryan’s side pretty much told him all he needed. He shifted his focus to the others present. Jeff, normally extremely extroverted and outgoing was currently completely the opposite of that. That in and of itself was odd. Jeff had to know something even if it wasn’t the whole story. 

Chip being present wasn’t actually that odd. The group could, and usually did, conglomerate together even when they weren’t all scheduled for filming. His general convivial nature wasn’t out of the ordinary but it was a bit over the top. At least it felt that way. Frowning Wayne continued trying to analyze everything. Brad’s arrival was what cinched things. Of course the group would ‘close ranks’ if something major had happened to one of them. All of them were private and yet they trusted each other. Those in the group might be allowed to be privy to the knowledge but outsiders were definitely ‘not wanted’. 

Wayne couldn’t help the small amount of pride he felt at being included. Even if he didn’t know the details at least he was included. They might not have felt the need to explain everything but at least he wasn’t one of those they considered an ‘outsider’. That knowledge, more than anything, helped him feel more secure of his association. Until just now he hadn’t realized how much he still felt as if he were the odd man out.

.

Colin watched the interplay between Brad and Ry silently. If Brad could help Ry then who was he to intervene? As much as he wished he could be the one to dispel Ryan doubts he also couldn’t deny him anything that helped. When Brad placed a hand on Ryan’s wrist Colin tensed. Ryan, however, didn’t seem to mind so Colin forced himself to relax. He spared a quick glance to Greg. Greg appeared to be focused on his drink but Colin noticed him surreptitiously keeping an eye Ryan and Brad. Content that Greg was watching over the pair Colin fell back into his own musings. 

He still wasn’t sure how to react to the fact that Ry had been assaulted. He knew how he wanted to react to the news. He would love nothing more than to give into his urges to scream, and rage, and curse, and throw anything and everything within reach. Anytime he spied Ryan though he forced that anger to the back burner. Colin was worried that if he gave in to any of those urges it might upset Ryan or cause him to shut down even further. As it had been for so many years now Ryan had to be his first priority. 

It wasn’t until the second show he filmed for the UK version that he met Ryan. Only on the second show he was still a bit nervous of his position here. As always, when he took the stage most of the nerves morphed into an energy he used when performing. He did note that playing off of Ryan was easier than with almost anyone else. He left that taping feeling more secure about his place on the show and hoping to film with Ryan again sometime soon. Just remembering that day brought a smile to his face.

He even remembers the next episode he filmed exceedingly clear. Not only was Ryan present but it was also the first time he worked with both Greg and Brad. It was clear to him from the beginning there was something between those two. It took them a bit longer to come to that realization though. Still smiling softly he refocused back on the group. 

Brad was in the middle of a story and he was gesturing vigorously in an effort to help articulate his point. One of Greg’s hands now rested casually on Ryan’s wrist instead of Brad’s. Both Chip and Jeff seemed to be watching but also holding a quiet conversation of their own. Jeff appeared to be doing better and for that Colin was glad. Colin was beyond happy to see that Ryan also appeared to be more relaxed. Slowly, cautiously, he shifted his eyes to the last member of their little clique. Wayne was watching Brad talk seemingly completely focused on the other but Colin knew better. Wayne’s posture was too tense, his eyes to sharp. He knew something was up but seemed content not to press for now. 

As Colin was still trying to figure out how to handle things a hand settled lightly on the top of his thigh. Glancing down he noted the hand belonged to Ryan. The act in and of itself wasn’t unusual. What was unusual was the slightly anxious look Ryan was giving him when their eyes finally met. It wasn’t a look Colin was used to seeing in those eyes and he found he didn’t like it one bit. Without breaking eye contact he reached down and covered Ryan’s hand with one of his own.

“Sorry,” Colin apologized. “Must have spaced out for a few seconds. What’s up?”

“You okay?” Ryan questioned.

Quiet, but decidedly less agitated. Good, Colin thought. He could work with that. “I’m good,” he replied. When Ryan seemed hesitant to continue Colin gave his hand a light squeeze trying to reassure him.

“Can I ask you a question?” Ryan asked quietly. 

“You can ask me anything, you know that,” Colin assured him.

“Are you… I mean, when I told you… about…” 

“About what happened,” Colin stated for him.

Ryan nodded. “It’s just you’ve been a bit… distant,” he finally finished.

Colin mentally winced. He should have realized how his attitude would effect Ryan. He needed to reassure Ryan it wasn’t his fault but before he could Ryan began talking again.

“You know what? Nevermind. It’s probably just my imagination. I’ve been a bit off myself so it’s not like I’m the best judge of anything right now. Just-”

“Ry stop,” Colin ordered firmly. For a while it almost looked as if he were going to continue but after only a few seconds Ryan nodded once and waited quietly. Colin took a deep breath and exhaled trying to collect his thoughts before speaking. “I’m sorry if I came across as distant. It’s just… Okay look, I just needed a little time to process everything. I apologize if it seemed like I’ve been a bit standoffish. I never meant for it to seem that way. Okay?”

Ducking his head slightly Ryan gave a halfhearted shrug.

Colin sighed. He knew for a fact Ryan hated being seen as weak. He knew for a fact Ryan was still uncomfortable with public displays of affection. Still, he also knew that he had to do something. He couldn’t stand to just sit by and watch Ryan suffer. Raising his arm he slowly wound it around Ryan and paused giving Ryan plenty of time to pull away. To his surprise Ryan actually leaned sideways and rested his head against Colin’s shoulder. As surprising as it was Colin didn’t question it. 

.

Having already had more than enough to drink tonight Chip opted for water. Much to his relief Jeff had one more beer before switching to water as well. The last thing Chip wanted to contend with tonight on top of Ryan’s revelation was a drunk Jeff. He had enough trouble keeping Jeff’s anxiety in check without alcohol consumption. Thankfully Jeff seemed to have calmed down and was doing much better. 

When Brad began telling a story they’d all heard several times before Chip leaned back and got comfortable. After only a minute or two Jeff sat back and leaned a bit closer. Repetition was good. Repetition was familiar. Whether or not Brad knew familiarity helped when Jeff’s nerves occasionally got the better of him didn’t matter. All that mattered right now was the calm and relaxed Jeff currently leaning comfortably against Chip’s side. Shifting his eyes slightly Chip checked on Ryan. Ryan as also appeared to be more calm. 

Chip wondered if maybe familiarity might help him as well. It would be something worth checking into. He knew probably better than any of them that you used any tool available when someone you cared for was suffering. He should probably mention something about it to Colin just in case. Out of habit he checked on Colin as well. It was just his nature to make sure those he cared about were doing all right. Colin seemed lost in his own thoughts but ultimately seemed pretty well. 

“Thank you,” Jeff whispered.

Chip drew his attention back to the warm body pressed against him. Jeff wasn’t looking in his direction but Chip still knew the words were for his ears. Tightening his hand around Jeff’s Chip smiled warmly. “You’re welcome, as always.”

“Do you think Colin’s upset with Ryan?”

Chip froze at the question. It wasn’t until he realized Jeff was also tense that Chip realized Jeff was picking up on his body language. He made a conscientious effort to relax his muscles before answering. “No,” he replied honestly. “I truly do not believe Colin is upset with Ryan. I’m not saying he’s not upset just that it’s not directed at Ryan, okay?”

“Then can you talk to him?” Jeff whispered.

“Colin?”

“Yeah.”

“About anything specific?”

It was several moments before Jeff finally spoke. “It’s difficult to trust anyone enough to open up about something like that,” Jeff said quietly. “When you do… If the person you consider your best friend just suddenly stops talking to you…” 

Even though Jeff didn’t finish Chip still understood. He used the arm around Jeff to give a sideways hug and let his eyes drift closed briefly. Always being the one to take care of those around him Chip hadn’t stopped to think about things from the other side. With how long he spent taking care of Jeff he should have, he realized. Of course Ryan had to be worried about how Colin would see him now.

“I’ll talk to him,” Chip assured him.

“And if he’s not mad…” 

“He’s not. At least not at Ryan, I promise. Okay?”

Jeff merely nodded. Chip wanted to say more. He wanted to reassure Jeff that he wasn’t mad at him any more than Colin could be mad at Ryan. He wanted to find whatever words he could to help set Jeff’s mind at ease. It didn’t really matter though. There weren’t any words to express what he needed to say and Jeff was done talking for now. He just hoped that he could get Jeff to cheer up some before they went to sleep later. The last thing he needed to worry about with everything else going on was nightmares. 

.

With most of the others busy Greg waged an internal debate. On one hand Wayne had already shown a lot of patience by not asking any questions. He was part of the group. Still, it really wasn’t his story to tell. Ryan should get to decide for himself. He’d already probably said more than he should have by telling Brad without asking. There was no way he could anyone else without Ryan’s approval. Then again, there was also no way they could continue to expect infinite patience from Wayne either. It was a wonder he’d waited this long actually. Fuck.

Standing up he pulled his pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket, nodded at Brad to let him know he’s just going for a smoke, and walked over to Wayne. Leaning down he told the other to follow and headed for the door. He didn’t bother checking to see if Wayne had followed or not until he finally stepped out of the bar. Exactly as he thought Wayne stepped through the door just moments after Greg. With a nod Greg walked the short distance to where his car was and leaned back against it. Wayne still following silently turned to face him, crossed his arms, and cocked an eyebrow expectantly.

“Okay look, here’s the deal,” he began wearily. “I know you have questions but I can’t actually tell you anything about what’s up. It’s not my story. You’ve been really patient so far and I really appreciate that but it’s kind of a delicate situation.”

“Who hurt Ryan?” Wayne asked.

Greg blinked in confusion at the bluntness of the question.

Wayne shook his head. “We’ve known each other to long for me not to figure out that this is somehow centered around Ryan. Since I’ve known him I’ve seen him go through any number of things and nothing has ever cause this kind of response. I don’t have to know what it is to know that it was bad and that it wasn’t just some random accident. If that were the case someone would have said something. It has to be more personal than that.”

Greg eyed Wayne slightly impressed. Although, in fairness, he’d always known Wayne was smart. “It’s still delicate situation. You’re going to have to be patient for a little longer.”

“I want a name Greg,” Wayne insisted.

“I couldn’t give it to you if I wanted, that’s not anything I know.”

“Give me something then. He’s my friend to you know. You guys know the story and I’m the only one left in the dark.”

“Colin and I were the only ones present when Ryan opened up and even we don’t know the whole story. Brad’s only here because he always comes down whenever I film. Yes, Colin called Chip but he’s better at dealing with this kind of thing than the rest of us. Jeff just happened to be with him when Colin called. I didn’t have to call you, you were already coming in to film. Brad, Jeff, and Chip don’t know much more than you. Colin and I don’t know much more beyond that.”

Sighing Greg turned until he was once again leaning back against his car and facing out across the parking lot. Finally he pulled out a cigarette and lit it. Inhaling, he held the smoke in his lungs for a while before exhaling. Though he could feel Wayne’s eyes Greg didn’t turn to face him when he spoke again.

“We wanted to make sure he had some time to calm down before he had to worry about discussing anything about it. So for that reason and to keep Dan and Drew from asking any sensitive questions Chip stalled them while we all left. If we’d gone to any of the trailers someone would have shown up demanding answers. If we’d gone somewhere private, like my house I was worried Ryan might panic even more. We came here first because I figured taking him somewhere familiar and more public might help. Until he’s calmer and ready to talk I just don’t feel comfortable pushing him. Okay?”

“I can understand that. Can I at least be there when that happens?”

“If Ryan doesn’t mind then I don’t mind,” Greg told him before taking another drag off his cigarette.

“I’m going to head back in,” Wayne informed him.

“Give me a second,” Greg grumbled before taking another long drag. Exhaling he dropped the half smoked cigarette and stepped on the end. Finally turning he eyed Wayne carefully. 

“I get it, you know. I know early on it was Ryan, Colin, and me for a long time before we ever got the others. By the time you even joined the show most of us were already almost like family to each other. The thing is, it’s never been that way for me before. I was always bouncing around from place to place too much. Even when I was younger I didn’t really make those kinds of friendships with other kids. I’ve never really had friends like this until I met Colin, and then Ryan, and then everyone else. I do get what it’s like to feel excluded even around those you consider your friends,” he finished quietly.

Wayne nodded without speaking. Greg put an arm over his friend’s shoulders and led them back inside. He really did understand what it was like to feel like the odd man out even in a group of people you called your friends. As much as it hurt that he was part of what was causing these feelings he couldn’t see a way around it. Hopefully this would work itself out soon and they could put all of this behind them.

.

Normally Ryan didn’t like showing weakness but he did seem to be doing better with Colin's arm around him. Brad wasn't going to question it. Whatever helped was good enough for him. Slowly he inspected the others around him. Currently he had Jeff and Chip to his left and Colin and Ryan to his right. It left him a clear view to the door so he noticed the instant Greg and Wayne returned. He briefly toyed with the idea of teasing Greg about liking Wayne better but decided against it. They already had more than enough drama to deal with at the moment. 

Perhaps later, he mused. Or maybe if he thought it might get a laugh from Ryan. It felt odd to have to direct this kind of concern towards Ryan instead of Jeff but he wasn’t going to complain. If he could do anything to help any of them then he would do it in an instant. Greg and Wayne finally reached the table. While Wayne took his seat Greg crossed his arms and attempted to glare at him. Brad, as always, saw through the act. He shifted his eyes to gauge Ryan’s current emotional state before deciding on how to react. The tension in Ryan’s posture and the worry in his eyes finally decided him.

“I don’t know about the rest of you but I could really use a drink or five. Since I’m driving that’s going to have to wait until I get somewhere we’re not going to have to leave. So I say we go back to Greg’s place and raid his liquor cabinet. Whose with me?”

There was some quiet murmuring back and forth between Chip and Jeff which Brad politely ignored. Jeff was bound to be having one of his bad days after the news but he had Chip to take care of him. It was Ryan he really had to worry about for now. Brad was working with the idea that right now Ryan might feel more comfortable in a familiar place without strangers nearby. Not going straight there had had actually been a fairly good idea though. He did have to give Greg credit for that.


	5. Chapter 5

“Okay, look,” Wayne announced. “I know there’s something going on. If you don’t want to include me then that’s fine. Just tell me. It’s just… If one of my friends needs me…”

“Wayne,” Ryan said unemotionally. 

“Now isn’t the time-” Colin began.

“No,” Ryan dissented. “He needs to know.”

Colin nodded and looked away. 

“So tell me what happened then,” Wayne pressed.

“I was… I was…” 

“Ryan was assaulted,” Jeff stated bluntly. “He worries…” He hesitate slightly seemingly struggling with how to phrase things. “Well if he’s anything like me he’s probably worried about a lot of different things. Mostly though, unless I miss my mark, he’s worried we won’t believe him and that even if we do we’ll treat him differently.”

“Why would we?” Chip shot back.

Jeff ducked his head and curled in on himself. 

Sighing heavily Chip put a hand on Jeff’s shoulder and began whispering quietly. Out of respect Wayne turned away didn’t comment on it. Instead he chose to refocus his attention back on Ryan. Out of everything he could have expected that revelation wasn’t any of it. He struggled to come up with some kind of response.

.

“And I don’t care what you believe,” Ryan snapped, crossing his arms and glaring at Wayne.

Wayne shook his head. “Didn’t say I didn’t believe it,” he said quietly. “I just said-”

A phone rang and Ryan winced. It was more than the basic effects. He couldn’t stand how others would see him. He had always been on top of the issues. This was new ground as far as he was concerned. He didn’t bother to worry who was calling who. He knew his family well enough to know they wouldn’t share anything inappropriate. And really, after everything, that’s what they were; his family. 

He listened halfheartedly to the vague conversation attempting not to retain any of the pertinent details. No matter how he felt he wouldn’t betray his friend’s trust. Eventually, his eyes met Wayne’s and he froze. As worried as he’d been about Colin’s reaction he had figured that Colin wouldn’t blame him for any of it. He was also pretty sure most of the others wouldn’t look down on him for this either. Wayne was different. If it had been anything else Ryan wouldn’t be as worried about this. With something like this? Ryan wasn’t sure how Wayne would react and it set his nerves on edge. Still, he was determined not to let it show.

“I believe you,” Wayne finally stated. “I don’t know why you would think I wouldn’t but that’s alright too. All I want to know is who do I kill?”

Ryan sat back against the couch completely at a loss. Of all the responses he could have expected this wasn’t any of them. Why would Wayne, out of any of them, care that much about him? Fuck, he needed time. How did he phrase it correctly?

“And if you need time just tell me,” Wayne stated.

Ryan froze as if he’d been dipped in ice. Was he projecting? He didn’t know and did it really matter? He wasn’t sure but he was sure he needed… something.

“Ry?” Col asked softly. 

Ryan shook his head emphatically. He couldn’t let his emotions be known. Fuck. There was too much wrong with him. Why the hell would anyone care about him?

“You’re still my brother, you know that right?” Wayne asked.

Ryan shook his head, too much at a loss for words to respond.

“If you need anything I’m here for you,” Colin told him softly.

Too mentally exhausted to care about the reasons why he didn’t like to accept comfort from others Ryan leaned sideways until he was laying against Colin. Closing his eyes he desperately hoped the others would leave him alone if only for now. 

.

Carefully Colin wrapped an arm around Ryan’s shoulders and tipped his own head sideways so it rested against Ryan’s. It had been many years since he’d seen Ryan anywhere close to this upset. He had been so busy being angry at those that hurt Ryan he hadn’t realized just how much Ryan needed him. He was going to have to let go of his anger for now and focus on his best friend. There would be plenty of time for that later, right now Ryan needed him.

“Ryan?” Colin asked quietly.

Ryan merely shook his head again and snuggled closer. Glancing up Colin noticed Wayne was still nearby watching them with concern. Colin shook his head slightly. Luckily enough Wayne seemed to understand. With a silent nod the other man moved to take a seat on the other side of the room and began talking quietly with Brad and Greg. Colin was grateful that Wayne seemed to realize what Ryan needed right now was time and didn’t push for anything more. With his arm still around Ryan Colin turned to check on the other two.

Chip was sitting in one of the recliners with the footrest propped up. Jeff was sitting sideways curled up in Chip’s lap with his eyes closed. Looking up Chip noticed Colin watching and cocked his head questioningly. Colin tipped his head slightly towards Jeff and cocked an eyebrow. Chip smiled and shook his head. He tilted his head slightly again and closed his eyes briefly before mouthing ‘shh’ silently. Colin understood and nodded once before returning his attention back to Ryan. 

.

With his arms wrapped loosely around Jeff Chip lowered his head and gently nuzzled into Jeff’s hair. As always the feel of the gel covered strands made him smile. Jeff always insisted on his hair being just perfect. Chip, on the other hand, actually preferred Jeff’s hair natural and without any styling products in it. He would never tell Jeff that though. He knew the hair, the suits, and even the attitude Jeff presented to others was only a front. It was his way of keeping others at a distance and keeping himself from being hurt again. It actually made him feel kind of honored on the occasions that Jeff felt comfortable enough around him not to worry about any of that.

Not for the first time he wished he’d met Jeff earlier. If he had known the other man earlier then maybe Jeff wouldn’t have had to suffer alone for as long. If he’d met Jeff earlier then maybe he could have helped him start to heal earlier. Jeff shifted slightly and Chip waited anxiously praying it wasn’t the start of another nightmare. _Please don’t let him have another nightmare. Not tonight._ Today had already been rough enough. Jeff deserved at least a few hours of peace. When Jeff did nothing more than snuggle closer before stilling Chip breathed a sigh of relief. Inhaling deeply he breathed in the scent of Jeff’s shampoo. The smell of it and the comfortable weight of Jeff in his lap helped to ground him like nothing else. 

Right now he really appreciated just being able to hold Jeff. Not only did did Ryan’s admission upset him but it reminded him of when Jeff shared what happened to him. Reliving his memories of learning about Jeff’s past hadn’t been easy to handle. He managed to cope mainly by focusing on how Jeff and Ryan were coping with everything. Now, though, both were calm enough and neither required anything. He was left with nothing else to focus on but his own thoughts and emotions. It was times like these he both loved and hated.

He absolutely loved when his friends were happy; especially Jeff. Honestly he didn’t handle discord very well. Usually he could laugh or joke his way through it. Usually though the issues weren’t as major as what happened to his two friends. Therein lay the problem. Now with nothing else to occupy his mind all he could think about was how two of the people he cared for had been hurt. He hated the fact that he couldn’t do anything useful. Sure he could be there for them, he could even calm Jeff down after one of his nightmares. The problem was that was all he could do. He couldn’t fix any of it no matter how much he might want.

.

Feeling worn out Brad kicked off his shoes and stretched across the couch. He rested his head on Greg’s leg as he shifted to lay on his back. Looking up he caught Greg smiling down at him. Brad smiled back utterly happy that somehow in spite of his earlier doubts they’d ended up together. He could barely believe his luck. The smile faltered a bit when he remembered why they were all gathered here. Turning his head slightly he inspected the other people gathered in Greg’s living room. 

Jeff sat sideways curled up on himself and snuggled securely in Chip’s lap; more than likely asleep by the look of things. Chip, arms around Jeff, seemed to be awake but also completely content with the fact he was currently being used as a makeshift bed. Wayne sat nearby in one of the other recliners nursing a drink, seemingly lost in thoughts of his own. He shifted his attention to Colin and Ryan. He was happy to see that Ryan seemed to be doing better now. Cuddled up against Colin’s side Ryan seemed to be smiling ever so slightly. Good, he thought, those two belong together no matter what either of them said. 

Turning back to his own baby he caught sight of Greg yawning and snickered. Greg not knowing how his friend was, would definitely want to stay up with them. The problem was for now everyone was fine and most of them would probably be asleep soon anyway. They’d been woken up more than once by a nightmare when Chip and Jeff stayed the night. At first Brad had been confused before he realized what was happening. Chip seemed to know what was wrong and seemed to handle everything with relative ease. Better to get rest when you could just in case. There was absolutely no reason to stay awake when you were tired ‘just in case’. Sitting up he bumped Greg’s shoulder with his own.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

Greg hesitated and Brad fought not to roll his eyes. For all the world he would never understand how Greg didn’t believe he was amazing at handling people who’d experienced something majorly traumatic. Shaking his head he snagged Greg’s hand and stood up dragging the other man with him. Leaning forward he place a quick kiss on Greg’s cheek.

“They’ll be fine, promise. Wayne can take the spare room and we’ll throw some extra blankets at the others. Pretty sure they’re not going to get up anytime soon.” He turned around to double check with Chip and Colin and both gave a silent nod of agreement. He turned back to Greg. “They’ll wake us up if they need anything else. Okay?”

“I suppose,” Greg grumbled.

-  
...  
-

Jeff woke up feeling slightly too warm, legs a touch cramped, but ultimately feeling more comfortable than usual. Unfortunately his nose began to itch. Should he move and scratch it or remain still and comfortable, he wondered. The itch was rapidly becoming annoying. Better to scratch it, he decided. He could always curl back up and get comfortable again. Reaching a hand up he frowned when his fingers bumped into something unexpected. A muffled grumbling sound reached his ears and his frown deepened. 

“Jeff?” asked a sleepy voice.

Suddenly Jeff grinned. Chip, of course. No wonder he felt so relaxed. 

“Mm, you ‘wake?”

“Yeah,” he answered, making absolutely no effort to move.

“Mm,” Chip hummed again. “Sleep well?”

“Probably better than you did with me laying over you.”

“If I minded I would have said something,” Chip assured him. “Hey Jeff?” Chip asked suddenly sounding serious.

“Yeah?” Jeff answered tensing slightly.

“How are you? I mean really.”

Jeff shrugged self consciously. “Mostly all right I suppose. I mean, I think initially it was the shock. I just didn’t expect something like that to happen to someone like him. I mean, it’s Ryan you know?”

Chip shook his head and sighed. “It can happen to anyone Jeff. Sometimes bad things just happen to people and it’s not that person’s fault.”

Pressing his lips together Jeff stubbornly refused to answer.

“I mean it Jeff. It’s not your fault any more than it was Ryan’s.”

“It’s different with me though,” Jeff argued. 

“Can you sit up just a little?”

Nodding Jeff finally uncurled himself and straightened. He wished Chip would just let this drop. He really didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Instead of pressing the issue Chip merely put his arms around Jeff and hugged him. Of course, Jeff thought. Somehow Chip always seemed to know what he needed.

-

Opening his eyes Greg blinked a few times to clear the sleep from his eyes. It took a few minutes for him to feel even halfway functional. Damn he hated mornings. As always Brad had rolled over in his sleep. He lay with his head on Greg’s shoulder and his arm slung over Greg’s chest. Everytime they shared a bed Greg woke up to Brad either curled up around him or lying over him. Who would have ever thought Brad was such a snuggler. Greg couldn’t help but smile. While Brad never had a problem with being affectionate he was also never what anyone could call ‘clingy’. The only time Greg ever got to see that particular aspect of him was when Brad was sleeping. 

As much as he was loathed to wake Brad his arm was numb and he really did need to move it. Shifting his shoulder he tried to move his arm without waking Brad. He just started making progress when Brad tightened his grip and snuggled even closer. Sighing Greg gave up on the hope of retrieving his arm without waking Brad. That wasn’t going to happen. Instead he reached over and lightly began rubbing circles over Brad’s back. It didn’t take long before Brad began to stir. He actually kind of felt bad for waking up Brad. Usually it was Brad that woke up first. Greg was a bit worried that if Brad wasn’t awake yet he may still need more rest.

“Morning,” Brad murmured.

“Good morning yourself,” Greg replied, smiling.

“Mm nope, not yet,” Brad disagreed. “Morning kiss?”

“Like you have to ask,” Greg teased. 

Tilting his chin upward Brad closed his eyes, pursed his lips, and waited. Greg didn’t allow him to wait too long before leaning down and kissing him. As he started to draw back Brad’s arms snaked around him and held him firmly in place. Brad refused to break off the kiss for several more moments. Eventually Brad broke the kiss and loosened his arms. Leaning back slightly Brad met his eyes and smiled.

“Now, it’s a _good_ morning,” Brad stated smiling up at Greg.

“It certainly is,” Greg agreed. “Hey Brad?”

“Mm?” Brad hummed questioningly as he started to stretch.

“Okay, so I haven’t had any coffee yet and I know you just woke up.”

Brad stopped stretching and turned to face Greg.

Greg sat up and snagged his glasses. If he was going to do this then he at least wanted to be able to see Brad. He really wished he could have had a cup of coffee first. Putting his glasses on he turned around only to be surprised by yet another kiss from Brad. By the time Brad broke the kiss Greg was too flustered to reply immediately. 

“You just looked like you could use another kiss,” Brad told him. “Besides, since when have I ever needed a reason to kiss you?”

“God I hate how you can wake up so quickly,” Greg muttered. 

“You know you love me,” Brad retorted, grinning broadly. 

“Maybe but just remember, I still haven’t had my coffee,” Greg grumbled. Annoyingly Brad just laughed. Greg sighed and tried not to roll his eyes. He attempted to put his thoughts into order, a feat infinitely more difficult without the coffee, before he spoke. Brad spoke up before he had the chance.

“You’re worried about Ryan?” Brad question instantly serious.

“I’m worried about all of them,” Greg stated exasperated. 

“Well yeah, because you’re you,” Brad agreed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You worried about all of them because that’s just who you are.” Moving until he was sitting just behind Greg, Brad wrapped his arms around Greg’s waist. “You wouldn’t know how to _not_ worry about them. They’ll be okay Greg, promise. It’s just going to take some time.”

“I just wish I could do something to help.”

“Trust me, they know. As much as we wish otherwise there’s really nothing we can do but be there when they need us and give them time. Eventually they’ll be okay, promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -  
> I promise we’re going to get to various people’s pasts. We’ll probably get into more of what happened to Jeff in the next chapter. (If the story cooperates.) Once again I apologize for the slow posting and appreciate everyone that’s still reading.  
> -


	6. Chapter 6

By the time Ryan was awake enough to realize Colin was no longer on the couch with him he could hear the soft sound of voices somewhere nearby. Sitting up he inspected the room and found it empty. Frowning he shoved the blanket off himself and stood. Following the sound of the voices he ended up in the kitchen. Colin, Greg, Chip, and Jeff sat at the table while Brad sat on a counter top nearby. The only one missing seemed to be Wayne. Colin glanced up at his arrival but Ryan ignored it for now. He was nowhere near awake enough to hold an actual conversation.

“Morning sleepyhead,” Greg greeted. “I’d offer you some coffee but _somebody’s_ blocking the coffee pot.”

“Hey just think of me as the coffee fairy,” Brad cracked. “Besides, I snagged an extra mug just for when you woke up.” Brad said as he lifted a coffee mug dangling by its handle from one of his fingers. “So you want some?” 

Grumbling Ryan wandered over to where Brad sat on the counter top. Brad turned around and filled the mug before handing it over to him. Ryan made his way over the table, snagged the sugar, and began pouring some into his coffee. 

“You’re as bad as Greg with that stuff,” Brad observed.

“Bite me,” Greg shot back affectionately.

“Any time,” Brad offered.

Ryan would have rolled his eyes but even that was too much effort before he finished his first cup of coffee. Setting the sugar back on the table he took a sip of his coffee. He’d stayed over a few times before. He could tell by the taste of the coffee just which of the pair had been the one to brew it. Greg’s coffee was drinkable but Brad’s was vastly better. Ryan was eminently grateful Brad had brewed the coffee this morning. Finally he lowered the cup and turned back to the others. He frowned when he caught sight of Jeff eying him oddly. Ryan cocked an eyebrow and waited.

“I,” Jeff began before hesitating. He chewed on his lower lip distractedly briefly before continuing. “When you’re more awake can we talk?”

Ryan’s frown deepened. “Okay,” he drawled slowly.

Jeff shook his head. “I’m handling this badly, sorry. I just wanted to talk to you when you were more awake. I should probably have waited for you to finish your coffee first though.”

Confused Ryan watched as Jeff leaned slightly towards where Chip sat and hunched in on himself a bit. He wasn’t sure to make of it but honestly everyone else seemed just as confused so maybe it wasn’t just him. He realized he should probably say something but he wasn’t quite sure what just yet. 

“Jeff?” Chip asked quietly.

Jeff shook his head.

“Yeah,” Ryan agreed belatedly. _Hey better late than never, right?_ Ryan thought to himself derisively. “Actually now is good. I mean if that works for you.” 

“You sure?” Jeff asked skeptically.

“As long as I can take the coffee with me? Yeah. Come on, let’s go out back.”

It was an educated guess that what Jeff meant was that he wanted to talk somewhere away from the others. He was proven right when Jeff stood and followed him. They left the kitchen and made their way to the backyard. As they both sat down on the outdoor chairs on the back porch neither spoke. Ryan refused to pressure him. Jeff would talk when he was ready and Ryan could wait until then. It didn’t take as long as he expected.

“I’m not going to ask if you’re okay,” Jeff finally began. “I’ve actually always hated that question myself.”

Ryan’s frown returned as he twisted to inspect Jeff. Jeff was staring out across the yard and not looking at him at all. Actually it made sense the more he thought about it. Before he could spend too long thinking about it Jeff continued.

“There are days where it is easier though. And days where it’s worse…” Jeff whispered.

“How do you cope with it?” Ryan asked.

“Good friends help. Really the only way to learn how to cope is with time. Even then certain things are still going to be rough. If I knew of any way to make it easier, believe me, I’d tell you. As Chip is fond of saying, ‘it’s going to take as long as it takes’. Just try to remember you are not alone. Whatever you need we’re here for you. Even if all you need is just someone to sit with you and _not_ talk, I can do that.”

“How do you deal with the dreams?”

Jeff sighed and slumped back in his chair. “In all honesty I don’t. If Chip is around he can usually help. If he’s not around then I usually get out of bed, wrap the blanket around me, and sit on the couch with the television on. It doesn’t matter what I watch since don’t usually remember any of it anyways. It’s just that sometimes the sound can help to pull me out of that head space and back to the present.”

“Sometimes?”

Jeff shrugged. “It works most of the time. When it doesn’t I can usually call Chip. I can’t call him very often or if it’s too late otherwise…”

Ryan knew what Jeff meant. If he called too often it might cause issues between Chip and his wife. Jeff would never knowingly cause any conflict between those two. 

“Anyway,” Jeff continued. “The point is there’s no way I would be able to handle everything on my own. Everyone needs help sometimes. And damned if I don’t sound exactly like Chip right now,” Jeff huffed, crossing his arms.

Shaking his head Ryan smiled for a few seconds at that remark. The smile faded a bit when he thought back on the things Jeff had shared with them. It wasn’t much and there had to be vastly more to it but it had been more than enough. As bad as he felt about it he really didn’t want to know more. It was already almost more than he could stand not to take off and confront the bastard that hurt his friend. If he’d had a name he might have done just that. Jeff, however, hadn’t wanted to share the name. Ryan could respect that even if he didn’t like it. All he knew for sure was that it was one of Jeff’s uncles. Beyond that there was nothing to go on.

Ryan had no qualms about hurting someone that would hurt a child that way. The one thing stopping him was he didn’t have a target for his rage. Jeff wouldn’t give them a name for precisely the reason Ryan wanted one. After everything Jeff had survived Ryan wouldn’t intentionally make his life more difficult. For the most part he avoided conflict. Actively wanting to hurt someone was rare experience for him. He didn’t really have any experience in dealing with those kinds of emotions. 

“Chip’s right though,” Ryan said finally. “Everyone needs help sometimes. I’ll make you a deal. I’ll try to remember to ask for help when I need it if you will,” he proposed.

“Deal,”Jeff agreed.

.

He honestly didn’t understand why Ryan and the others cared so much. Usually people didn’t believe him when he told others about what happened. The few that did believe always seemed to blame him for it somehow. Never before had anyone believed him without blaming him for what happened. Still, he had to be careful. With the person still very much alive he really didn’t want to say anything that would allow the others to identify him. The last thing he wanted was to have to explain why he _didn’t_ want the others to do anything. He would rather forget anything ever happened. If only the memories would cooperate. A shiver shot down his spine just thinking about it at all. Before he realized what was happening Ryan stood up and opened the sliding doors that led back into the house.

.

Sitting at the table Chip distractedly listened to the conversation. He was too worried about Jeff to pay too much attention to what the others were saying. He vaguely wondered if he would be less nervous about things if Ryan had been the one to talk to Jeff instead of the other way around. Somehow he doubted it. On one hand wanted to make his way to the backyard just to check up on Jeff. On the other hand was worried about how Jeff might view that. He wished he knew what it was Jeff wanted to talk about with Ryan. 

_“Chip,”_ came the sound of Ryan’s voice from somewhere beyond the kitchen.

Chip stood up, probably a bit too fast, and stuck his head out of the kitchen. Ryan stood in the open doorway that exited to the backyard. Chip resisted the urge to demand to know if something was wrong with Jeff. If that was the case Ryan would have already said so. “Yeah?” he asked.

“Want to come out here and join us for a bit?”

Not knowing what to expect Chip walked over to where Ryan waited. When the other man moved Chip took a few steps out into the backyard and carefully inspected Jeff before turning back to Ryan. “What’s up?” he asked casually.

“My coffee’s gone cold. I need to go in and get a new cup. Just figured you might like spending a little time outside while the morning’s still nice.” 

Without another word Ryan turned and headed back inside. Chip watched until the door slid closed before returning his attention to Jeff. Jeff merely cocked his head and watched him without speaking. Shaking his head Chip moved to sit on the chair next to Jeff. After everything he’d learned how to read Jeff’s expressions. Currently everything was pointing to calm and relaxed if a little curious. Chip could understand that. After all the current drama it was a wonder that Jeff was doing this well but Chip was grateful and wasn’t going to question it. 

“So,” he stated conversationally, “nice sunrise.”

Jeff merely huffed once in response and the pair finished watching the sunrise in a quiet companionable silence.

-

Colin watched as Ryan entered the kitchen and dump the remainder of his coffee into the sink. Ryan moved to refill his coffee and sat down at the table. For a few minutes neither said a word. Colin was just starting to wonder if he should say anything when Ryan spoke up and broke the silence first.

“So where’s everyone else?”

“Wayne left early this morning. Greg went to go take a shower and Brad had a few things to take care of. He said he’d meet up with us at the studio.”

“Hey Col?”

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t grow up in the same environment. Things were different for me.”

Colin had no good response to that so he opted to remain quiet for now.

“Your family may not have encouraged ‘alternate lifestyle’ choices but they were more accepting them. At the very least, they were more accepting than most other people. My family wasn’t accepting of those types of relationships. It wasn’t anything anyone in my family would ever even think of considering. What I mean is… Even if…” 

Colin understood what Ryan couldn’t say. Even if he had wanted to Ryan would never have allowed himself to even contemplate being with another man. What Colin didn’t understand was if that meant it was something Ryan would even want. In spite of whatever he hoped it was possible Ryan was speaking in more generalized terms. He really shouldn’t assume anything just yet. “Whatever it is it won’t make me think any different about you,” Colin assured him.

Ryan shook his head. “That’s not it. I know you won’t think different of me. It’s just that the way I was raised made it… difficult…”

“Ryan,” Colin stated softly. “Are you trying to say you like someone?”

“No,” Ryan growled. “Not _‘someone’_. I’m trying to say I like _you!_ ” Ryan shoved the chair backward, stood, and began pacing. “I like you and I shouldn’t! It’s not right. It’s… It’s… wrong!” Ryan finally spit out. 

Colin took a deep breath and tried not to show too much of a reaction. After all the years he’d waited just to hear those words he couldn’t let himself be distracted. He needed to remain as open minded and unbiased as possible.

“You know how I feel,” Colin whispered.

“ _I_ don’t know how _I_ feel!” Ryan shouted.

“I know. I know and I’m sorry. I’m sorry you were raised like that. I’m sorry you couldn’t just be yourself. … I really need to know though. Are you… I mean… Do you…” 

“Yes! Yes I like you. Yes I would love to be with you. Yes I want to know how things would be if we could be together. I just don’t know how any of that would work.”

“Neither of us do. It is what is Ryan. The only thing we can do is to try.”

“No! You don’t understand!”

“I do, trust me,” Colin reassured him. Biting his lower lip Colin tried to figure out how best to handle this situation. “I do know how you feel,” Colin whispered. “I’m sorry you didn’t have anyone to turn to.” Walking over to where Ryan stood he placed both hands on Ryan’s shoulders. “You have me now, though. I won’t force you into doing anything you’re uncomfortable with. We can deal with this together, okay?”

“You don’t get it,” Ryan insisted. “I can’t like you like that!”

“Okay,” Colin agreed calmly. “Why not?”

“Because I can’t!”

“Let me put it another way. Who says you can’t feel whatever you’re feeling and why should you listen to them?”

That stopped Ryan’s pacing. Slowly Ryan turned to face him. Colin watched as Ryan seemed to actually be thinking about the question. He as well as Ryan already knew the answer to the question. Still, asking it might be enough to break through whatever antagonistic thoughts were plaguing Ryan’s mind. Colin resisted the childish urge to cross his fingers and managed to remain calm as he waited.

“You know who,” Ryan finally whispered.

It was true Colin did know the person who had all but beat it into Ryan that it was wrong to like other men. He also knew that Ryan had worked hard to overcome his father’s more archaic ideas. As private as Ryan was he had still shared a bit of his childhood. Colin understood just how hard it had to have been for his friend in that household. He could also understand why it was so difficult for Ryan to express his feelings now; especially romantic feelings towards another male.

“Okay but you didn’t answer the other half,” Colin pointed out. “Why should you listen to anything he said?” 

Again, Ryan stood stock still for several seconds. 

“I don’t know,” Ryan finally admitted. “It’s just…” he trailed off.

“Sometimes it’s hard to go against what you were taught?” Colin offered.

“Yeah,” Ryan agreed whispered.

“How about this? What if we start small and take everything slowly? We won’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with at all. Would that work for you?”

“What if I’m not ready?” Ryan asked.

“The I can wait,” Colin told him. “We can take it as fast or as slow as you want. I won’t ever pressure you.” 

“I’m not sure.”

“Then I’m fine waiting, okay?”

“What if I’m never ready?”

“Then that’s fine too,” Colin assured him. Slowly he moved back to the table and sat down once more. “I’m never going to pressure you Ry. If you’re not ready that’s fine. Whenever…” Pausing Colin took a deep breath and began again. “ _If_ you ever feel ready just let me know. Nothing has to happen before then. Okay?”

“What if…”

“Yes?”

“I mean… I want to… It’s just…”

“If you’re not ready-”

“No!”

Surprised Colin jumped at the sudden ferocity in Ryan’s voice. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. It’s just that…” Ryan ran a hand through his hair and sighed heavily. Finally he took a seat and dropped his eyes. “I’ve been trying to work up to asking you this for a while now.”

Colin was stunned speechless. 

“I just couldn’t find the right time,” Ryan continued. “When I first realized I liked you… I don’t know, I kind of panicked. I mean, after what happened I didn’t think I would ever want to be with anyone. You’re the first person I’ve ever even seriously considered since then.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s just that the more I thought about it the worse the memories got. I started having more nightmares than usual and then I just couldn’t bring myself to ask you. When you asked me what was wrong yesterday I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t mean to say anything but I couldn’t stop myself. Now everyone knows everything,” Ryan finished miserably.

“You know they won’t think any less of you right?” Colin asked scooting his chair slightly closer to Ryan.

“How could they not?” Ryan scoffed.

“Do you think any less of Jeff?”

“That was different. Jeff was a child, I was an adult. I should have been able to stop it or defend myself or something.”

There were so many things he could say to that. Still, he knew none of them would do any good. Nothing he could say would help. Scooting his chair closer he raised his arm slowly giving Ryan plenty of time to object. When he didn't Colin pulled Ryan into a loose hug. Offering no resistance Ryan merely laid his head down on Colin’s shoulder and relaxed into the embrace. Shaking his head Colin began rocking slowly.


	7. Chapter 7

Brad had no idea what to expect when he showed up at the studio. He wanted to believe that everyone would be all right but was also still a bit wary. Maybe he should have called Greg for an update but he reasoned if anything was truly wrong Greg would have already called him first. There was no sense in worrying over anything without proof there was even something wrong. Walking into the studio he made his way towards the greenroom. Walking in he noted only Ryan was present. 

“So what’s up?” he asked casually.

Ryan’s head jerked up as if he’d been startled. He glanced around the room quickly before standing up and walking over to shut the door. “I need to talk to you,” Ryan told him.

“Um. Okay?”

“How did you know you wanted to be with Greg?”

“I don’t know,” Brad answered with a slight frown. “I suppose it was probably when we were all out drinking one night.” Brad paused for a second to really think about it. “As a matter of fact I know it was. I don’t remember the exact date but I remember it was sometime in March and Greg was talking about this new guy he was seeing. You guys all started teasing me because the other guy’s name was also Brad. That’s when it really hit me that I just how much I really wanted to be with him. I just didn’t think he’d ever want anything serious.”

“What made you think differently?”

“I came in for filming a day early so I wouldn’t have to go straight to the studio after driving all the way up here. I was just kind of having an off day so I decided to have a few drinks before snagging a motel room somewhere but Greg walked in and found me. I don’t know why but for some reason I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. I just kind of blurted it out. I don’t know who was more surprised, Greg or me.”

“How did he take it?”

“We started dating. I’d say that about sums up everything. None of this is what you really want to know though, is it?”

“It’s just, after everything…” 

Brad nodded knowingly. “You’re not sure how to feel after what happened. Answer me this then, how do you feel about Colin personally?”

“Who said I was talking about Colin?” Ryan challenged.

Brad smiled. “We’re not blind Ryan.”

“Damn it.” Dropping onto the couch Ryan ran a hand through his hair. “Is it really that obvious?” he asked.

“Only to those of us that know you two really well.”

“Damn it,” Ryan repeated. 

He looked as if he was about to say more when the door opened and Colin and Wayne entered the greenroom. As much as Brad would like to continue the discussion he was fairly sure Ryan wouldn’t really appreciate that. He chanced a quick glance to Ryan and had to smile. If he ever needed any confirmation on how Ryan felt about Colin the look on Ryan’s face as he watched Colin enter would have told him everything he needed to know. 

-

As expected several minutes before filming Dan entered the greenroom. Even as expected as it was, Ryan knew he still wasn’t ready for this conversation. Still, there was no way it could be postponed any longer. The one question left was whether or not to have this conversation here or somewhere more private. Here he would at least have his friends nearby which, oddly, was also the main reason for holding this conversation elsewhere. Screw it, he thought. At this point there was very little sense in worrying over what anyone else thought. Besides, if Brad was right everyone else would already know; or at least those that mattered. 

“All right enough of this avoidance crap. Someone tell me what’s going on and I’m not going to believe it if you say ‘nothing’.”

“I was having a bad day yesterday,” Ryan stated evenly. Bad didn’t even begin to cover it but that was as much as he was willing to admit. “But that was yesterday,” Ryan continued with a shrug. “Today’s better though, so you can stop worrying. Nothing’s going to interfere with the show.”

Dan stared at him disbelievingly for several long moments before turning and inspecting the others present. Much to Ryan’s relief no one said a word. Colin stared back seemingly curious, Wayne eyed Dan almost expectantly, and Brad leaned back and began to inspect his fingernails as if he were bored. Ryan had never been so proud to call these people his friends as he was in that moment. He should have known he could always trust them.

“So whatever happened resolved itself?” Dan asked skeptically.

Ryan hesitated, unwilling to lie. He was unsure how to answer that. While things were better they weren’t what he’d call ‘resolved’. Luckily he spared when Brad spoke up first.

“If you want in on the next make out session you could just say so,” Brad stated offhandedly. 

Ryan couldn’t help but snicker. He could almost hear the smart mouthed remark Greg would make to such a comment. Whether intentional or not Brad’s comment did help alleviate some of the remaining tension he still felt. Actually, knowing Brad it probably was intentional.

“I’m doing better today,” Ryan assured Dan, still trying to suppressing a snicker. “You worry too much. Nothing is going to interfere with the filming,” Ryan assured him.

Still looking doubtful Dan glanced between them before finally leaving.

“Make out session?” Ryan asked cocking an eyebrow.

Brad shrugged. “It got him to stop asking questions didn’t it?”

-

The filming went well. Actually better than usual truth be told. Ryan really did seem to be doing better. Colin was happy for that. He still wasn’t sure where they stood but at least he knew Ryan had feelings for him. Now if they could just find a way to work through everything else they’d really be doing good. As hopeful as he felt about Ryan returning his feelings Colin still wasn’t sure what to do about it. He wished he knew how to read Ryan better. There was still so much about Ryan he couldn’t understand.


	8. Chapter 8

Wayne had no clue how to deal with what he was feeling. He wanted to help his friends but he didn’t really have anything experience that would help him understand how. Nothing in his life had ever prepared him for something like this. As bad as it was finding out one of his friends had been assaulted it was almost overwhelming to learn two of them had been through something that traumatic. As much as he could understand why they would keep what happened to Jeff secret it still hurt.

Being the last to know about what happened to Ryan wasn’t surprising. The only truly surprising thing about it was they actually told him at all. Out of all of them Ryan was the most private when it came to personal matters. He couldn’t even begin to understand how hard it must have been for Ryan to tell any of them about what happened. At least he’d been included in the circle of people that had been told. The problem now was what to do about it. There wasn’t much he could do to help Ryan, he realized. 

Trying to help Ryan would more than likely backfire in his face. Idly he wondered if there was anything he could do that might help Jeff. Not really he finally decided. Well, no more than any other of the others. At least Ryan could always lean on Colin if needed. He vaguely wondered if Jeff had someone like that to be there for him. There were times when he almost thought there might be something between Jeff and Chip but Chip was married. Neither Chip nor Jeff seemed like the kind of person to approve of cheating. 

He realized this had to be equally hard on the others as well. He was the newbie in the group. The others had known each other far longer. Maybe he should call Greg or Colin and ask them for advice? He debated it for a while but eventually decided against it. It felt too much like going behind Jeff and Ryan’s backs. Even if he didn’t intend it that way he could understand how it might feel that way to them. Any discussion of this should definitely include the two of them. Finally he decided if the only thing he could was be a friend than he could do that. He could be there if they ever needed anything or merely just to support them. 

-

Brad fretted. There literally was no better way to phrase it. His Gregory would love nothing more than to hep Ryan. And Ryan definitely needed help. The one problem was his baby didn’t understand what that kind of help entailed. He knew his Greg would want to do anything he could to help, that was just Greg. It was part of why he loved his baby. It wasn’t that Brad didn’t want to help Ryan. It was more that he was a realist. He understood the amount of work it would take and that it couldn’t come from just anyone. 

God help him it was beginning to feel like everyone he knew was broken. It was getting tiring to watch those he cared for dealing with everything on their own. There was what happened to Jeff, Jeff and Chip’s non relationship, what happened to Ryan and how it was affecting Colin, and what all of this was doing to Greg, Brad wasn’t sure how to handle everything. Sometimes he wondered if Wayne was the only sane one in their group. 

Currently Greg was upstairs packing for some other gig he had in who knew what city this time. If he actually cared Brad could have gone to the kitchen and checked the calendar stuck to the fridge. Honestly though right now that was the furthest thing on his mind. All that mattered was Greg would be gone for the next week and a half. At least part of that time Brad would be filming. That might help keep some of the loneliness at bay. At least for a while. He’d turned down one gig to be sure he was home when Greg returned. It wasn’t really something he was all that interested in doing anyway. 

He desperately wished Greg was sitting next to him so they could snuggle. He briefly entertained asking Greg to back out of his current commitment. If he wasn’t worried about seeming to clingy he might just do that. In all reality Greg probably would cancel if Brad insisted but he just couldn’t justify it. With a huff Brad smacked his hand down on the armrest of the couch and stood. Instead of sitting here brooding he was going to go upstairs and spend time with his boyfriend before Greg had to leave.

.

Greg just finished placing another shirt into the suitcase when he heard Brad enter the room. He turned around to greet Brad and suddenly found himself entangled in the other man’s arms. Before he could break free Brad leaned in and kissed him. Surprised but not necessarily opposed Greg kissed him back. When Brad finally drew back he laid his head down on Greg’s shoulder and snuggled against his neck. Greg frowned. Normally he didn’t get to see the more ‘clingy’ side unless they were laying in bed together. While Brad had no problem with being affectionate this was a little beyond normal.

“Brad?” Greg asked slightly concerned.

“Hm?” Brad hummed back still snuggling into the crook of Greg’s neck.

“Hey are you okay?” Instead of answering Brad merely nodded without lifting his head from Greg’s shoulder. He had no clue why Brad was being so clingy just now but clearly something was wrong. Sighing Greg resigned himself to comforting his boyfriend. He would worry about what was wrong later.

“I’m fine,” Brad murmured. “Just miss you.”

“I haven’t left yet,” Greg reminded him softly.

“I know, it’s just… With everything going on I’m just going to miss having you nearby.”

Greg understood what Brad meant and hugged him even tighter. With the current issues going on in their little family Greg was going to miss having Brad around as well. There wasn’t much he could say to make this better so he chose to remain silent. If he thought Brad might agree he would offer to drop the gig and stay but he knew Brad would never go for it.

As independent as Brad liked to appear Greg realized there were times when Brad needed comfort but didn’t feel comfortable asking for it. Greg knew better than to make a big deal of it. If he did that it would only serve to make Brad feel even worse. He often wondered what happened in Brad’s past that caused these feelings. Right now, though, those thoughts wouldn’t help matters. Instead he focused on Brad and doing whatever was necessary to help his baby feel better.

-

As far back as he could remember he’d never really been able to handle conflict. Chip hated conflict almost more than anything else. Anytime anything happened he was always reminded of his parents fighting before they’d gotten divorced. His sister, Cathy, used to rush into his room and cling onto him when their parents would fight. During those times he would have to set aside his own person feelings to take care of her. Ever since then he had always hated conflict. He’d learned to use humor to deflect the worst of it whenever possible. 

Somehow he didn’t think humor would help with anything happening lately. It was difficult to watch his friends suffering and not be able to help them. It made him feel like he was falling down on the job. It didn’t matter that there really wasn’t anything he could do. He hated seeing anyone, especially those he cared for, suffering. He really wished Jeff was here. Jeff never failed to make him feel better. It almost felt selfish; almost as if he was taking advantage of Jeff’s pain. He knew better but he still couldn’t help how it felt.

Chip’s thoughts briefly drifted to Ryan. After having spent so much time taking care of Jeff Chip could have cursed himself for not noticing the signs earlier. To be fair Ryan was a fairly private person when it came to personal matters. Chip, naturally used to keeping the peace, had just rolled with it. Pressing Ryan on personal matters, especially when it wasn’t needed, would just have caused trouble for no reason. He should have known better. 

He brought his hands up and briskly rubbed his face briskly. Letting his hands drop back into his lap he tried to understand where that left him. He very much doubted that Ryan would ever accept the kind of help he gave Jeff. Maybe if it came from Colin, Chip mused. As close as they all were Ryan and Colin had always shared a stronger bond. Chip began to realize no matter what he wanted perhaps the only way for him to help Ryan was for him to share what he knew with Colin and leave the majority of everything dealing with Ryan in Colin’s hands. 

-

Colin paced. It was somehow more nerve wracking knowing that Ryan had feelings for him than when he hadn’t been sure. At least then he could pretend that it was one sided. Now he had to deal with knowing Ryan cared for him and they still couldn’t be together. Well, at least not yet. He held out hope for the future. He hadn’t lied though. There was no way he would pressure Ryan into anything. If he pushed Ryan would balk and he’d lose any chance of them ever getting together. 

He had to take this slow if only to keep from upsetting Ryan further. If there was one thing he really, really, wanted to avoid it was upsetting Ryan more. Ryan’s life had already been hard enough. He wanted to do everything he could to ensure he didn’t add to any pressures Ryan already felt. If he could do anything to put Ryan at ease he would. Ryan was probably the one person in the world who might be able to hurt him.


End file.
